I’ve blogged about it previously, but it’s a funny feeling stepping into myself. I genuinely feel like I am becoming me- I know I have said that previously, but I can’t stress it enough, it really is a peeling away. This week on the blog, I’m diving into the war we play around with our minds and our bodies. Read along and see if you have felt similar things! We’re not alone in this journey!
For the last 2 months, I’ve been on a low key health journey; I haven’t been shouting it from the rooftops because I want it to stick, but also because to me it’s about being healthier and setting good habits for my mini me. It’s not that I’ve had a very bad lifestyle, but I have been making working out a priority and making sure I hit my steps goals. In the process of this journey, it has obviously got me thinking about my body and the various ways I’ve felt about it throughout the years and maybe in many ways the way I didn’t appreciate it enough. If I’m going to be self-critical, maybe I wasn’t grateful enough to my body for the miracle of carrying and birthing a healthy baby. Sometimes we’re so focused on how “glowing” we may or may not look or how much weight we have or haven’t gained. And we forget just how common miscarriages are, we forget the amount of work and stress our body puts in for 9 full months. But even outside of becoming a mother, the fact that I am overall, a healthy person and sometimes we don’t appreciate just how blessed we are to be healthy. Ignoring what your body LOOKS like, ( which we know is super hard when we’re bombarded with images of Kardashian-like physiques ), but being alive and healthy is 100% something we should appreciate much more.
Time to unlearn everything society has taught us about hating your body.
I was never taught to hate my body, at least not explicitly, but I was never taught to openly love it either. In many ways I was told to hide my body, keep it away from gaze, particularly the male gaze. Behave a certain way and bad things won’t happen to you. Keep your body hidden away and most definitely do not celebrate, show it off or embrace it. So in turn, I didn’t really think about my body- it was there it did what it had to and I moved on. So although this isn’t the worst approach, I feel like I grew a sort of disregard for the body that houses me. I don’t think I began to get to know my body until my mid-twenties and even then I wasn’t doing it for myself- it was for others. My breast gained attention for their size and I relished this feature, but I was always jealous of women who had “legs for days” or washboard abs or beautiful backs. It wasn’t something I could produce for myself so I used what I thought was my best asset. Once I had my daughter, this is when I felt the most disconnected with my body. Funny, I never felt it while I was pregnant, I was more in awe of all the awesome things my body was doing in developing my baby. During this period was the only time I can think of where I was complimented for things outside of my breasts. I felt so body confident- despite feeling like a giant whale towards the end. But once I gave birth, the body I was left with, wasn’t one I knew and I felt so disconnected from it, I didn’t know what to do with it and I most certainly didn’t know how to dress it.
Being alive IS a special occasion.
I should point out that growing up, I always saw a “normal” female body, I was one of those kids who always has something to say to my mother when she was on the toilet or just stepped out of the shower. 😂🤦🏽♀️ My mother never broadcasted it, but she also didn’t completely hide herself either. But as an adult this still didn’t help me associate it to my own body. But thinking about it, stepping into my 30’s is the time I feel I really began to love and appreciate my body as it was/is. Realising that still having some of my leftover from pregnancy isn’t a bad thing. Acknowledging just how unhealthy the idea of the “snap back” is and being 7 years too late to it! Although I am working out and I have certain physical goals I would like to achieve, I’m not making it about being skinny or looking a certain way. My biggest battle is simply loving my body as it is right now and where it is, I’m not interested in having a battle with the 36 year old body I am walking the earth with; because she’s done me well so far. I simply want to keep my body moving and getting my sweat on!
My Sister's Keeper: All things Life & Photography 