It’s engrained in us from a young age, the Prince and the princess find each other and stroll off into the sunset. The idea is lovely. Roses and petals maybe even some glitter and fireworks. Or like others claim, a jolt to the chest or electricity. But is that really how it works? Or is it simply grit, communication, refusing to give up and genuine hard work on yourself and on loving someone inspite if it ALL?
Your eyes holds everything my soul thirsts for.
At the risk of sounding disenchanted and maybe a little jaded, I’ll share how I see it. I 100% believe in love. I believe anyone and everyone is deserving and real healthy love can be transformative. What I don’t like about the idea of “soul mates” is the idea that you find that singular person who somehow is MADE for you and everything else falls into place once you meet them. But if we can accept that the you when you’re 21, is nothing like and didn’t need the same things as the you at 34, why do we believe this to be the case when it comes to a person? What I do believe to be true is that people change, sometimes for the better and other times for the worst. But that worst might be someone else’s best. We all carry baggage, some of use are willing to unpack them and take responsibility for it and others simply carry it around like an accessory. The idea that a person essentially completes us or will wipe away all of our troubles is problematic and doesn’t allow us to do the work. We should always be aiming to be and do better within ourselves and for ourselves.
It’s the connection we can’t explain.
Maybe the fates do play a role, maybe there is some cosmic interference to ensure certain people are placed in your path. But at the end of the day, love isn’t passive, it’s a verb-it requires action. If you don’t put yourself out there, if you don’t remain open to opportunities, it will always miss you. No matter the fairytale you believe. And then, once you do find someone worth the effort, you can’t simply believe that it will keep chugging along because the fates put them in your path; that is when the work begins, 2-3 years later, the 7-10 years later. Daily. Or maybe what I don’t believe in is the idea in an instant soul mate, maybe someone develops into your soul mate. Maybe them not giving up on you and you not giving up on them is the foundation for a soul mate like connection. Loving each other UNCONDITIONALLY. Maybe that’s what a true soul mate is. Maybe it’s not about the over the top, romanticized version of what we tell ourselves or what we see in the films. Maybe it’s the grit. The tears, the anger, the fights, the listening, the patience and the deep well of never ending love that makes someone truly for you.