I’ve touched on this subject lightly in the past, but I wanted to dig a bit deeper for myself. This week on the blog, I discuss what I wish someone would have to told me about people pleasing. Have a read.
People pleasing hides the real you.
Setting boundaries will be tough: I’m that person, I will mean no- but bite my tongue the entire time- even if it’s making me feel all sorts of levels of discomfort. I could say I don’t know why I do it, but I know it’s mostly because I don’t want conflict. So I choose the cop out of ignoring my gut, but what you will come to realize once you begin to be stand firm in your boundaries. You will lose people, you may be labeled as being difficult and the list continues but the fact of the matter is- losing yourself costs much more. And the process of finding yourself will be even tougher. If there’s one thing I wish was reiterated to me much more, it would be for me to be true to how I felt/ believed. And to not lose too much sleep over it being any different.
It’s a thankless job: At some point along the way, I realized that even though that person left happy, I was the one left feeling dejected and in some ways lacking because I hadn’t spoken my true feelings. The constant cycle of trying to figure out how you feel and then translating it so that it maintained someone else’s comfort is exhausting. What you’re also missing is the fact that someone isn’t going to come back and thank you for choosing the option which suits them. Therefore you’re constantly giving parts of yourself away and getting nothing in return ( it definitely shouldn’t be transactional ). Navigating both parts isn’t progressive, but you’re also not practicing what you’re preaching. I know I will be the 1st to tell my daughter to speak her mind and to not allow someone to speak for her or to make her do something she doesn’t want to do. But somehow as an adult, who in many ways has much more autonomy than a child, I choose the default mode of panic and retreat into myself. It is most definitely a coping mechanism and deeply fear based. I want to get back to the carefree person I used to be.
You will lose yourself: When it comes to talking self-care and all those buzz words, we tend to neglect our mental health and some of the conversation has to be on maintaining yourself. I definitely don’t mean physically. Always being whatever it is for others will only chip away at what you have left for yourself.