I Wish Someone Would Have Told Me Pt 8: Intimacy

Let’s talk intimacy, but not the kind you’re used to hearing about. As I’ve slowly began to lightly dip my toe back into the dating game ( and I mean lightly ), it has gotten me thinking about the foundational things I am looking for. One of those things is; intimacy, real connective intimacy. This week on the blog, I discuss what I wish someone would have told me about intimacy. Read along and tell me if you can relate.

When you realize you can tell someone your truth, when you can show yourself to them, when you stand in front of them and their response is “you are safe with me”.

For a lot of us, when we hear the word intimacy we instantly think of the physical aspects of intimacy. Rarely do we hear talk of the many facets intimacy can be and is. At the end of the day, not everyone is engaging in fully physical relationships, the internet might make you feel different but many people who seek a much richer, long lasting and deeper connection with their partners will tell you that this involves MUCH more than the physical. If there is one thing I wished I knew more was the importance and the value in sowing real, healthy dialogue with someone.

Honesty is the highest form of intimacy

It’s one thing to find a connection with someone, to be able to have a laugh with them, to share life with- but on that path, to be able to be truly yourself with other people on this earth is something special. In my past experiences, I found whenever I opened up and shared my intimate feelings, often times it was either minimized or it was taken lightly. In turn, it made me retreat, keep those feelings to myself and in some ways I built up a wall. The negative aspect of that didn’t show itself immediately, but over time I realized I was keeping more and more of myself hidden away and eventually I lacked and missed that connection. I could not see myself in a relationship in which I didn’t feel fulfilled and one where I didn’t feel those sparks.

Intimacy is not purely physical. It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply, you feel like you can see into their soul.

Reshall Varsos

I wish I relentlessly sought true connection over anything else, someone patient, someone who doesn’t judge you and who finds you with your flaws attractive. Am I asking for too much? I feel like I remained in relationships which didn’t serve me because I loved them- but love isn’t enough. It’s not like the opportunities to be open weren’t presented, I genuinely freeze up when it comes to sharing deep vulnerabilities about myself. The over thinker in me is worried I’ll scare them away, worried my scars run far too deep and wondering if I’ll ever be able to find a love I feel I deserve. I wish I had quick steps we could be exploring together, but the fact of the matter is, I am learning and working on this as I go. Telling myself that if I seek connection I have to create it for myself, be myself and the right people will stay. I wished intimacy was shared as honesty between two people in a relationship. I wish we didn’t automatically think of sex, because at the end of the day the latter is much better when it is accompanied with the former.