When My Empathy Will Be The Death Of Me

The world seems heavy lately, I’m not pessimistic enough to say it’s broken, but to be fair- at the moment, the evidence is overwhelming. I don’t know if I have always been an empath or if it’s something that has developed over time, especially after becoming a parent, but what I know for sure is that feeling all of the feels has begun to leave a mark. This week on the blog, I get honest about the actual ways in which some of the burden of the news has on me as an empath. Have a read and let me know if you have any tips I can use to centre myself.

One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do great harm. The absence of empathy and understanding are sufficient.

Charles M. Blow

Typically, I am not one to consume heavy amounts of current affairs news, because I know how it will make me feel. Despite wanting to know somewhat of what is happening in the world, the acceptance that it will be negative and high key depressing, already gives me feelings of anxiety. As I write this blog post, the Quebec government voted 78 to 29 in favour of a Bill which will enforce French to be even more the dominant language spoken ( I haven’t looked at all of the minor details and to be fair that’s not the point of this post ), the USA has had yet another school shooting- this time children, on the back of a hate crime the week before and to top it off hackers released videos and photos of the ethnic cleansing of the Chinese government on the Uyghur people, seeming to add proof to the ongoing speculation as such. This is not to mention the ongoing war in Ukraine, and the countless number of wars we seem to have forgotten just on the duration of time it’s been going on ( ex: Syria/Israel/Palestine ). And if we needed more, you have inflation, the gas prices and Covid is still very much here, folks. So yea, I will remain here and maintain the level of ignorance I need in order to survive or to stay sane, because it is all becoming a little too much.

Don’t waste your time chasing butterflies. Mend your garden, and the butterflies will come.

Mario Quintana

Sometimes I wonder if my desire to want to placate and be liked by everyone is the overwhelming drive of my empathy. Trying to be all for all. Doing it all for everyone in some way or form. When I think about it, it stems from a fear of abandonment, feeling like if everyone likes me, then they won’t leave me. As if liking me is some sort of invisible contract which cannot be broken. I of course know that I am lying to myself, I am aware it’s not a guise I can keep up forever and I have already seen its negative effects. Waking up at 3am, while my mind runs away from me, feeling pressure on my chest almost to the point where it feels suffocating. Knowing full well it’s not the reality, but merely in my mind. I would have never labeled it as such, but for sure I have moments of anxiety. I have moments, when I can’t switch my brain off from spiralling into thoughts that aren’t real, aren’t going to be real and have completely taken over my imagination. It’s all a trauma based response, I am coming to terms with that. My past isn’t an indication of my future and I shouldn’t live like it is. I need to learn to take in information, process it, but also let it go. Let it be as it is. Not worry of stress and most definitely not take it from 0 to 100, because we all know it’s a spiral and I am of no use to anyone.

On the eve of this blog post going live I realise I should probably provide some sort of optimism or at least say what I’m doing in order to reduce the effects on my mental health. And in some ways, I wish I had a more clear answer, but the fact of the matter is, I’m simply trying to limit and restrict the news which comes across my feed. I have removed many notifications and avoid or remove the apps in which I feel may be problematic. ( I’m seriously considering deleting Facebook, but that’s another blog post. ) As I mentioned in last week’s post. I am actively seeking out ways to maintain peace; mental and physical.

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