It is tough out there, life and people do not owe us anything. Sometimes we get a lucky break, but for most part, it could be useful to let go of the idea that it could have been any different. This week on the blog, we discuss the idea of life owing us anything and what that really means when it comes down to it.
You learn a lot about people when they don’t get what they want.
You Time Is Yours To Do Whatever With
I came across a video the other day by social media personality and life coach TorahCents, where she talks about dating. Where women are being disappointed with the outcome of their dates, because they become too attached to the men they are dating and are then disappointed when they are then ghosted or things fizzle out. In her video she mentions her method of High Connection, Low Attachment; where she encourages her clients to enjoy the NOW and let go of the idea that a phone call, another date etc is something that is “promised” or owed to us. Don’t come for me, because I am not an avid follower and though I don’t follow some of the religious slant of her advice- what remained with me was the idea of meeting and talking to people without being attached to the outcome. And while I agree that we as women probably do need to pump the breaks at times and not think too far ahead; I also believe a level of communication and respect should be considered for the person you are seeing. This got me thinking, as it usually does, if you have read some my recent posts Why I Am Retiring My Heart or What I Learnt From Being Ghosted, this is one of the main reasons why I felt disappointed. Investing time, energy and money into talking to someone, getting to know them, sharing things about yourself, only to not hear back or feel a form of rejection. It’s like being hit by a wet fish. What happened to all of the positive/loving words shared? What happened to the cute meaningful conversations? How could you have meant something to them on Day 1 and essentially nothing on Day 55 if everything was running smoothly? Yes, people change their minds, and have to by all means follow their instincts and be true to how they feel. How someone feels about me doesn’t have to make sense to me, because well it’s not my problem, but what is my problem is how I am treated by said person. What we need to work on, and this is one of my main focuses- is not internalizing it as if something is wrong with us. Stop feeling as if it could have been any different. Stop feeling that if you had reacted said way it would have changed a particular outcome. This isn’t healthy, but at the end of the day, if someone wants to be with you or wants you to remain in their life- they will 100% make that effort. You wouldn’t have doubts about their intentions. I stand true to that.
Shake It Off, Shake It Off
Dating aside, this is also true in life, someone doesn’t owe you their time, they don’t even really owe you an explanation, because at the end of the day- it’s their lives right? But remember, it is also yours; you get to vet the types of interactions and behaviours you want to remain in your life. So, though the rejection will sting, shake it off. If someone isn’t able to communicate their feelings, this isn’t the type of interaction you want in your life anyway. Don’t waste too much of your time wallowing over someone who definitely isn’t doing the same over you. Often times, the rudest, most obnoxious people are completely oblivious or simply do not care about the damage their mouths and attitudes cause. All the while, we are home dying on the inside because of a certain quip or comment. I say this, because the latter is me and I realized recently, I needed to nip the overwhelming feelings I had in the bud, because it was affecting my mental health. I was spending my weekends analyzing and dreading the approaching Monday and I got to really thinking about it- what is this costing me? The answer was my weekend/time, and I needed to take some of the reins back. But I needed to set better and firmer boundaries.
Those with a perpetual victim mindset tend to create the situations from which they suffer.Steve Maraboli
You Are High Value
Instead of sitting in your sadness and feeling all the feels, there is a time for that, what we need to do is to look at ourselves as higher value, don’t beg or push for something that isn’t easy or simple. I don’t mean that things won’t get turbulent, but someone will match your effort if you are giving that same amount of effort. Life is a series of dances; sometimes one takes the lead and the other follows and then the roles are reversed. It’s not about one sitting on the sidelines, watching as the other dances for the both of you. You bring a lot to the table, you are fully deserving of a love that loves you back, So, if it means that you have to walk away from something that gave you all the feels, then do a catwalk, girl. Your time, your price and your energy cost and levels have increased- you are a high value target because you have a lot to offer and anyone would be tripping over themselves to even be considered by you. YOU, so don’t accept less than what you deserve and less than what you desire.