Healing. If that isn’t a 2022 buzz word, then I don’t know what is! This post isn’t to say that I am writing this post from a “healed” standpoint, because I don’t know if that’s really a thing, but what I can say is that it comes from a position of me actively trying and working on myself for myself. This week on the blog, I share the things I wish someone would have told me about the healing process, have a read.
TAKE THE SPACE NECESSARY
Some of the best advise I can give, if I can allow myself to do so, would be to take time/space away. If it means not interacting with the person or issue you are healing from, then do so. A huge part of healing, is finding clarity and that can’t be done unless you get distance from it. It’s amazing how time really can heal all, because it not only dulls some of the pain, but it allows you to see things from different perspectives. So, don’t rush it, don’t try to get to “solve” it all, don’t try to patch over it. Take it daily, hourly if you have to- don’t let it overwhelm you. Because as tough as it sounds, life moves on, and when you’re in the thick of feeling all of the feels, it might seem cruel, but it is also another way to show you that you will heal and you will feel better- it is merely a matter of time. Genuinely don’t worry about pacing yourself, or being alone for a while in order to get to your desired mental state, it’s not something you can predict or snap a finger and all is set back as if it never happened. Like the old adage, “That’s Life”!.
YOU WILL GET ANGRY
Part of the healing process is anger, this is one of the steps when it comes to coping with grief, and let’s be honest healing has similar emotional waves like grief. When it comes to a break up, there will be a stage where you become angry, at yourself and at your ex. Some of it might be because you feel let down, potentially for the ways in which you might have been fed falsities and ate it up as if in a famine. Anger for the excitement and potential hopes and optimism you felt over someone, only for it to reach its conclusion. One thing I should add is that, despite your disappointment, you shouldn’t get angry at yourself. People are complex beings, sometimes we meet them at stages which do not align, but it’s not a “fault” in yourself or the people you attract. Now don’t get me wrong, if someone shows you consistently bad behaviours and you are fully ignoring them and allowing them to actively hurt you, then of course you need to take responsibility for your role in allowing that. But, in order to properly heal and move on, staying stuck or angry over yourself about said relationship will not help you to move on. Especially if you think about the fact that said person may not be spending a minute thinking about you. So get mad that it didn’t work out, but shake it off and run, don’t sprint towards your healing.
IT’S NOT LINEAR
I have always been a solution based person, so when I deal with something, I don’t like to go back over it too often- says the over thinker…so it would always annoy me when something I felt I had tucked away or moved on from, would come to top of mind out of the blue. But, healing isn’t that simple or easy- sometimes it’s a full in spiral or zig zag and it doesn’t mean you want the person back or that you miss them fully, but it’s normal to miss the moments you shared. Or even miss the openness and intimacy and friendship you shared. I realized that it can take me time to “warm up” to someone, so if you get to the stage where I am sharing things about my life with you and including you in it. If it doesn’t work out, there is a sense of loss, because I obviously felt like I could trust them. I suppose in order to find my special someone, I will make some of those mistakes, I don’t want to be making them too often to be honest. But all that to say is that learning to move on and fully moving on takes time and it’s complicated, don’t expect a straight line to your healing.