How The Cost Of My Time Has Increased

Listen! This dating game/pool life isn’t for the faint hearted and it isn’t for you if you’re not willing to be knocked down and get back up again, like the Chumbawamba song suggests. This week on the blog, I share why I have been very, very selective with potential suitors and why I am feeling 0.02% feels of remorse for it. Have a read!

While I was writing the blog post for Mastering The Art of Being Pursued, something struck me; I haven’t been allowing myself to be courted. Yes, I used this “old” word for a reason, the process, the effort, the time, the patience in which dating developed back in the day. I haven’t been picky enough with my time and I have been far too easy and maybe too eager to say yes. Of course it stems from liking that person and being eager to see them again, which on its own is never a bad thing- but if you’re always willing to drop everything at everyone’s whim, where are your boundaries? This thought process was reinforced when I wrote the blog post Letting Go Of The Idea You Are Owed Anything, it made me realize I needed to be much more stingy with my time, especially when it comes to the search for my life partner. It’s not to say that I don’t want to dedicate time for it, but more like I need to not allow it to consume all of my time or life. Essentially, I need to live my life and if the right person comes along and can fit into said life- then time will be made, but the cost of my time has increased like the inflation rates. I am no longer entertaining a lack of effort.

Your value doesn’t decreased based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

This may sound conceited, and in no way do I want it to be, but I am a catch, I have many things to offer; I feel my value increasing. I am not talking about my looks here, I mean for my time, my intellect, my creativity, my energy, my affection and my love. I am a MUCH better person than I was in my twenties. I know some of that is due to maturity and mellowing out somewhat, but a lot of it is knowing myself more and knowing what I am looking for in a partner. I also know that I have to be clinical and not feel guilty for being upfront, honest and clear about my intentions and what I need in a partner. What I am looking for is: communication, commitment, consistency. I cannot allow access to myself to just anyone; from now on those are my terms and I aim to keep to them rigidly. I have had to rebuild my life, I have had to start all over and things have been ticking along smoothly and in many ways I have settled in well- I have no desire to include someone into my simple, uncomplicated life who isn’t serious about being there. Putting aside the fact that I am a single mom, I am speaking merely about my time and my mental space. I have realized that I don’t have the energy or the capacity for time wasters.

Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone to tell you who you are.


What I also realized that I won’t be doing, is explaining who/what I spend my time on. If someone isn’t able to understand that I will be prioritizing myself and that I will be focusing on my small business and simply working to stay happy, then they are not the right person for me. If I don’t want to spend the time inflating egos or just chatting to chat, then I don’t want it- I want something that will be a surplus in my life. In no way do I NEED a partner, I would most definitely want one and it’s something I would like to work towards, but I am also fully anchoring myself and letting it come as it will. You get what you pay for, and since I can choose my “fee” per se- it’s high. Like bougie high. Anyone not willing to pay the price with their efforts and intentions, will get axed because time wasting isn’t for me.

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