Why Forgiveness Is Selfish

I probably know what you’re going to say, this title is whack, but hear me out, no one said being selfish is a bad thing, so yes- it was click bait and I would apologize for it, but you’re here now so…. Often times we think about forgiveness as an epic act and we link it with choosing to forget what someone has done to us, but the truth of the matter is, you should most certainly forgive, the forgetting part is a whole other blog post. This week we discuss the reasons why forgiving is a selfish act, but one which must be done. Have a read!

Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook for their actions, but freeing ourselves of negative energies that bind us to them.

Do It For You, Boo

If there is one compelling argument for forgiving someone is this mere fact right here. It is so much more work, energy and exhausting to go around maintaining a grudge or anger towards someone. It creeps into so much of your day, so if I impart one gift-it’s do it for yourself. Set yourself free from the unhappiness, or from the frown lines. The weight will be/feel so much lighter because we aren’t meant to hold that much hate or resentment in our hearts or bodies. Let it go for yourself, so that you can have a fresh start. Forgive so that you can move forward with your life, forgive so that it no longer control your mood, forgive because it’s a weight you no longer need to carry. Take the breath and do it all for yourself, free yourself from the thoughts of them, free yourself of the expectations of how you should behave or not and simply let it all go. Don’t sleep on yourself, when I’m talking forgiveness, I also mean yourself. You know I’m not going to be here advocating to forgive others while you are still thinking about what you did in 2003. You can’t go back there, not sure why you’d want to, so you might as well stop living there in your mind. You also deserve that freedom.

Take Accountability

This might be low key irritating, but one thing you need to do is look inward. Being open and honest about the role you might have played in the whole debacle. Sometimes when things don’t work out it’s a good idea to take stock and have a look at how you could have changed things or recognize how it all went down. Taking accountability is important in pretty much all aspects of our lives, this is no different. The ability to look inward and be able to accept how we may not have helped to ease a situation, or even to know how we might have made it worse. Part of taking accountability is realizing that forgiveness is really for you, it allows you take responsibility for how you feel. This is especially the case when someone refuses to accept their role in the entire situation, which is another reason why looking inward helps, even if it may only be for yourself. Forgiving someone may be the only real gift you can give to yourself and in the end that is what it’s all about.

They Don’t Care

Let’s be real and hang up our ego just a little bit, do you really really think, this person is spending equal amounts of their time stressing about your existence? Do you think their lives have been stunted in any way because of this? The quick answer is no, they have moved on and you have the remnants of their actions to clean up. But at the end of the day, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably spending WAY too much of your time on this person and their past actions. But if there is anything I have learnt, is that living in your mind or in the past is not living, you miss out on the now. Some of the most mean, self-centered people never stop to see the damage they cause, which is in and of itself the problem, but what I’m trying to say is that they may never know or care of the damage they cause- mostly they don’t care.

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