Self-doubt, worry, fear, the list goes on; all of these can play a crippling role in our lives. For some it doesn’t take centre stage and for others it can be debilitating. In 2022, this really became one of my biggest challenges, feeling like I was good enough, in different aspects of my life. This week on the blog, I share my thoughts on self-sabotage.
If you are anything like me, then you will probably have had many instances where you either didn’t believe in yourself or flat out rained on your own parade. So this post is for you, along with myself, because it’s the things I wished I would have known sooner or that someone would have shook and reminded me of, because I feel like it’s something we all struggle with from time to time.
Feeling Not Good Enough
I think one of the main things about self-sabotaging is that deep fear that you are not good enough. Parts of me know that I am good enough, but other parts of me worry so much about failing. My need for perfectionism is one of the main reasons I end up self-sabotaging. It’s a level of worthiness that I have never tapped into, I have never walked the earth feeling like things should come easy to me for merely being me. That narrative is one that I have seen a lot, but it’s not one that I have ever lived by ( not that that is a bad thing ). Part of my sabotage is because I do have moments where I don’t feel like I deserve it. Almost like I have to earn something I’ll never be able to attain. This is such a negative cycle because you get caught up in all of the negative self talk and this doesn’t allow you to see the light and to see your own worth. I wish I had been told that the work begins with me; I am the one creating the narrative, therefore I am the one who can undo it. I am a hardworking person, I try to do my best and give my all in every aspect of my life, sometimes this weighs heavy on me. So feelings like I shouldn’t be happy or I don’t deserve it really trip me up because it’s almost like it’s too good to be true or I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. I suppose, the other shoe has dropped for me far too often, so it stems from an anxious place rather than a true belief.
I read somewhere that one of the reasons we may venture towards self-sabotage is because of anxiety. At first I wasn’t sure what that meant entirely, but as I have been doing my own work and thinking about myself and the lessons I have learnt, I can see why that may be. I am someone who doesn’t like surprises; it’s not that I don’t like the gesture- it’s literally the fact that I don’t like being blindsided. This most definitely stems from a lack of control. So, when it comes to challenges, I tend to shy away from them because I don’t want to fail at it, so in some random way- I find a way of messing it up for myself, usually from worrying. It’s definitely something I am acutely aware of and I know that I need to work on it, because the idea of perfection doesn’t exist and it’s not healthy for me to try to strive for it either. I don’t know if the anxiety is based from wanting things to be “smooth” or “perfect” or if it’s merely a bandage for me to use as a mask which makes me feel or think that things are as good as they might appear. Either way though, what I am in fact doing to myself is simply lying or masking, which if we’re being honest does nothing for anyone, so don’t do it to yourself girl.
Being stagnant feels safe, but it’s a fraudulent sense of safety, because it keeps you stuck, it keeps you back. Self-sabotage doesn’t allow you to grow, it doesn’t allow you to find lessons in the discomfort. You might feel safe because you’re in a space that you know and are comfortable in, but this doesn’t leave space for growth or change and for the most part, even if we don’t like it, change usually is for the better. So as much as we don’t want to admit it, self-sabotaging only gives us a complete false sense of security. Let’s be honest, why would you lie to yourself? Why would you put stumbling blocks in your own way to stop your potential? Yes, it might be scary to try and fail at something, but is that much better than not trying at all? That feeling to me is one of the worst; regret because you can’t take it back and you don’t often get a do over. So live the YOLO life and do not regret and do not sit within your false sense of security because of fear.