Why I Am Giving Up On Perfectionism

If you’re looking for someone to needlessly worry about something, then I am your girl🖐🏾. Always wanting things to run smoothy, to be in order and to avoid conflict or a hiccup. But! The fact of the matter is, we know this is not only a pipe dream, but it’s impossible to ever maintain. Things do run smoothly, but often in life it’s not never, ever calm waters. But, I’m learning from it and this week on the blog, I am sharing the reasons I am giving up on perfectionism, have a read.

Let Go Of The Desire To Control

I think I am self aware enough or should be to say that a lot of perfectionism stems from a need to control things. Life can be unpredictable enough, so having something you can manage and keep as is, or “safe“, allows you to feel as if you have a level of control you probably do not have, but it comforts the mind, right? There is a level of satisfaction you get when you complete a task well and it is done to the level or standard you intend. Nothing is wrong with that, the only hiccup is when you are unable to begin a task or you allow the fear of not doing it perfectly to stop you from even starting. This, for me is one of my struggles, I always want to know the directives clearly before I begin. This is fully because I don’t want to mess up, I don’t want to look stupid and I want to do my utmost best. I see this in my daughter and although she doesn’t allow it to stop her, I already see her drive to always do the best, if she makes an error, she needs to know what she did wrong and how she can correct it. This is a wonderful trait and I suspect I was also like that, but as I aged, it got more serious to where I allowed the fear of getting it wrong become debilitating and I was unable to even do my best because I felt it wasn’t enough. This was fully self-imposed, because I simply wanted to do my very best. The thing is control, although it makes you feel a false sense of security, it also blocks you from seeing other possibilities, because you are so hyper focused on that one particular thing.

Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order.

Anne Wilson Schaef

Think Of Your Wellness

Trying to maintain perfectionism in all aspects of our lives, will have consequences, most notably on your mental health and well-being. You may think that having things all in place will help you with coping, but the reality is that it’s doing the very opposite. Your inability to be flexible and let go, is only adding to your anxieties and in turn is damaging your mental health. It’s like putting a small bandaid on a gaping wound; it’s not fixing the issue at its core. So when it comes to perfectionism, think of your wellness. We can’t all remain stressed and wound up all of the time, life and things will happen and throw us off the path we thought was meant for us, only to hit us with an even greater outcome. Letting yourself lighten your mental load is the key to unlocking your success. Personally, when I am not in the best headspace, I tend to feel even more tense and this in turn begins a series of mistakes and then I focus on this and tend to mentally spiral and focus on all of the reasons I don’t think I am good enough. On the reverse when I am in a good headspace, a mistake simply rolls off my back, which goes to show that part of letting go is also maintaining your mental health. If I can allow myself to pass on some piece of advise, it would be to do the thing(s) it takes for you to relax and change your mindset- this is important.

Learning From The Uh Ohs

As much as we would all love for things to run smoothly, the fact of the matter is that most of the biggest lessons we learn are from the mistakes. Ideally everyone wants a smooth go at life, but the real character shaping moments are unfortunately the traumatic, scarring ones. They force something out of us; you never know what you are capable of until you are faced with the heat. But what I have learnt, personally is that you are much stronger than you believe yourself to be. I was never one for confrontation or bringing up an issue which I felt affected me, but despite my utter fear to do so; I was able to dig extra deep and I stepped forward into my truth. Of course, it wasn’t easy to do and I got flustered and maybe even a bit sweaty palmed, but at the end of the day, what I know I gained was respect. Even if it wasn’t from someone else, I gained it for myself, because it meant that I am capable to do hard things. This all came from being uncomfortable and sticking into that discomfort and pushing through. Often times, the things that are meant to trip us up, are in fact the things in which we will learn the most about ourselves, the things we could in no way ever plan for, but also the things which strengthen us. You. Can. Do. It.

When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target.

Geoffrey Fischer