My Struggles With Modern Dating

Sometimes I genuinely wonder if I will ever be lucky enough to fall in love again. As much as I would love to get into a relationship with someone and have a life partner and having that side of my life as stable, I cannot handle the inconsistencies between what we say vs what we do. As yet another birthday encroaches where I’ll be a single pickle for yet another year, it has got me thinking about some of the things I do not like when it comes to modern dating…read on.

Even the strongest feelings expire when ignored and taken for granted.

๐Ÿ‘ป

I have touched on this subject previously because it’s one of the ones I genuinely can’t seem to understand about people, who ghost. And for full transparency I’m sure there are people who may believe I have ghosted them in turn, and the only thing I will say in my own defence is that I fully refuse to chase after or force maintained connection with someone who refuses to do or show interest in me. So, if it’s not mutual effort, then I will stop because, too often if I am not in the driving seat, nothing moves forward and that’s not the basis of a relationship that I am seeking. I do not understand why, 2 fully formed, consenting adults cannot clearly express their feelings/intentions/emotions, be it negative or positive. We express that we would like connection and be able to communicate, yet we choose to disengage when faced with an issue or our feelings dip. And I know that some may say that people are busy and maybe time ran away from them, then when a substantial amount of time has passed, it is then difficult to slither back after so much time has elapsed. I can see how that’s not appealing, but I don’t believe the alternative of simply ignoring or leaving someone on read is any better. In your entire day, you were unable to take 1 minute out of it in order to send a text? We all take breaks, be it to eat or to do a number 2, you have the time, you are simply not allocating it in my direction- that’s not the same thing. In and of itself, those are huge signs and for me personally, I see and accept them all. People will engage and interact with things they find interesting or worth their while, so if someone flakes, they saved you the time. It doesn’t mean it’ll hurt less, it’s just that if someone is interested in you, you won’t have to guess.

Monotony & Repetition

The feeling of a rush of blood to head is something that I feel is nice initially, but if you rely only on that, then it simply will lead you to heartbreak. Finding the balance between loving and embracing all that is the early, endorphin stages of a relationship is fun and nice, but if I’m being honest I am low key over it and fully impatient about moving past that stage. If I could find a way to fast forward past the uncertainty, does he or doesn’t he like me, are we in a relationship or not phase and just get to the bf/gf stable part, I would fully do it. The thought of meeting a stranger and starting all of the same convos again, fills me with dread- being asked the same questions about my name or what country my beautiful dark skin comes from ๐Ÿ™„, is not only vomit inducing and to be perfectly honest a bore. I would much prefer having a thought provoking convo, tell me what you think about the foundational topics, how you’ve grown in the last year. It’s not that I don’t want to know some of the main quick fire deets; but when sharing more detailed, deeper convos you cover those topics anyways, and it doesn’t come across like it’s an interview process. So I think I am just impatient to find that someone I connect with on many levels, who shares the same values and that I can be comfortable, familiar with, which will settle into stable love.

If you can’t do anything about it then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change.

Tim Gaskin

๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ฃ

Ahhh, the good ole love bomber….the person who will shower/bomb you with so many wonderful words and compliments, all as a means to get you to let down your guard, but who have zero intention on actually going though with any of the things they promised prior. It’s a form of narssicism or attention seeking that I find bizarre. Simply say what you mean, maybe it’s not what the other person wanted but at least you were honest with your intensions. Don’t claim to want to be in a serious relationship, with communication and trust and then a short period later go back on all of the things you claimed you would not do. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least you were upfront and let the person know what they were getting themselves into. Instead, a lot of people seem to have taken up the tact of love bombing, saying all of the things they think women want to hear, they communicate, they are attentive, they are engaged in your life/emotions, then all of a sudden, they vanish out of thin air… Which for someone like me, leaves me with so many questions about myself. I know it shouldn’t be taken that way and I should simply think- it’s their loss, but how can I not, I am the common denominator am I not? Gah! Humans are so confusing!!

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