Why Lying Is A Form Of Manipulation

No one wants to be that person, who speaks so freely, they never think about how it makes others feel, but have you ever stopped to think about how it might be to actively not say what you’re feeling and choose to “lie” instead? This week on the blog, we discuss why lying is a form of manipulation.

Be careful who you pretend to be, you might forget who you are.

We’ve all done it, said something not quite true in order to spare someone hurt or heartache, it’s done with the best of intentions, but the truth of the matter is, in some way, you are choosing to attempt to control the outcome of a situation. Intentional of not, this is in someways what we are choosing to do when we don’t speak our truth.

Your silent discomfort vs their loud comfort

Don’t get me wrong, I in no way mean we should be walking around speaking our truths, uncaring about how it makes others feel because it’s our truth, that is simply reckless and uncaring. What I do think we need to be more conscious of is allowing ourselves to be uncomfortable in a certain situation or about a certain topic and choosing to grin and bear it for the sake of that person’s comfort. Again, there is definitely a time and a place for things and trust me when I tell you I have had to hold my tongue in many, many situations, because I felt unsafe, drained or simply could not be bothered to go down the typical route it would go. I have sat in meetings and listened through people saying some of the dumbest things and felt some kind of way about it, chose silence and it came across like I agreed or was unwilling to speak to the fact that it was uncomfortable or that I disagreed with the general comments. Of course certain settings simply do not call for an outburst or drama, but sometimes people need to be made aware just how problematic their behaviours or mouth can be and that it genuinely has an impact on others. If anything they learn your boundaries and if they’re a decent human they will respect that and no longer do these things around you.

We suffer more in imagination than in reality.

Seneca

Control

Your job isn’t to try to control a situation or how someone will react, your job is to be yourself and be honest. Of course, depending on who this is, it may take time, but the work you put in to build that trust, is valuable and by telling an untruth can undo all of that work. I know most people would never look at it as manipulative, but when you really think about it, it is. You have to trust that person is capable to make the best decision they can with the knowledge they possess at that time, if you choose to withhold information, you are essentially watching them make a decision when you know they do not possess the complete picture. The fact that you withhold that detail is where the manipulation occurs. The knowing better, but choosing not to apply it.