Most people have been there, you are settled, with the person you believe you will be with for life and all of a sudden ( or not ), the one you thought you love is no longer that for you. No one likes heartbreak, because it can feel like a genuine physical break, and in some ways it probably is. This week on the blog, I choose to look at it from another perspective, what did the heartbreak teach me? Read along and let us know if you agree.
First it will hurts, then it changes you…
Life Will Go On…
This may come across really crass, but it’s not meant to be taken that way; life WILL go on. The sun will come out the next day, you will breathe oxygen into your lungs ( hopefully ) and you will be able to take a step forward in a new direction. It won’t seem easy and little things might be overwhelming at first, but the fact of the matter is- you are capable. It might feel like breaking in the moment, but for me it was essentially a shedding. And though it might seem like you want to halt it all and simply cry your life away, you can find solace in the consistency of life. You will need to wake, you will need to eat, you will need to eventually go to your job…those things are mundane, but they help to put that much more space between you and your heartbreak. Flowers will bloom again, you will begin to see beauty, you will laugh again. It’s only when you’re in the thick of something that we might not be able to really believe that it will get better, but like the saying goes, “time does heal wounds”.
No more tears, because I didn’t lose you, you lost me.
It Will Hurt…Really Hurt, But You Will Learn From It
What I learned is that though it’s not a “physical” pain as such, heartbreak really does genuinely feel like you are in physical pain. It the feeling of your entire world falling apart, the unknown- feeling like you will never be able to be happy ever again. Even if you might have been the one to take the decision, it doesn’t make it any less painful. What helped me was not to ignore the feelings, but to lean into them, the wave of your loss will hit you at random times and in some ways every relationship leaves crumbs. But what I learnt was that I am stronger than I realize. Not saying I didn’t feel the pain of the heartbreak, I most definitely did; but now that I have distance from it, I can really be proud of the fact that I rode through it. I was able to push through and I through it all, I remained kind, I held my head up and it didn’t let the anger, upset and pain to consume me. So dig deep, bare with it- you really are made of stronger stuff and nothing you will encounter is too much for you. Adding to that, every tough situations we go through, we come out of t learning something, be it about ourselves or the actual situation, you will look back and you will see what the lesson was.
You Deserve The Love You Desire
You deserve to have the love you desire, it’s that simple. Read it again. No matter how guilty you may feel for ending what you thought was love, you deserve to have your feelings and needs met. You deserve to feel fulfilled. Your feelings are valid, your needs are important and no matter how messy or the guilt you might live with, there is a love for you out there. Keep looking for it, keep working towards it and keep vocalizing your needs. You deserve a love that is expansive, one that supports and lifts you, one that holds you down no matter what. And it shouldn’t go unmentioned that the love you may also desire is also for yourself. How you love yourself is also part of the love you desire, but maybe the goal is to love yourself the way you want to be loved. But no matter how heartbreaking it might feel in your “aloneness”, know that you are not hard to love, and things you require aren’t too much. The right person will not take it as too much and if they are willing and if they care enough, they will meet your needs. So, once again- you deserve to have the love you desire.