Self-confidence and knowing your worth isn’t something that comes easily or naturally to many people. I feel like it was only till I hit my 30’s that I really BEGAN the journey of self-discovery and knowing my value and positioning in this world in within my own life. This week on the blog, I’m going to share what I wish I had known sooner when it comes to knowing my worth. Have a read.
You deserve something you don’t have to question. You deserve someone who is sure about you.
r.h. Sin
Let’s be begin here, with honest; no one is going around throwing shade at exs or anything of that sort- I am merely being reflective about my own personal journey and the steps it took for me to get right here. That being said, it took me a long time to understand and know myself, let alone another human. The other day, Bae and I were talking about past relationships, and he then said, “Damn, you have really dated a lot of assholes”, to be fair, I was recounting one of my most memorably negative relationships, but my automatic reply was to make an excuse and, in some way, “justify” the reasons why they might not have been just that. But it got me thinking, as it usually does; maybe they weren’t all assholes, because I’m sure I wasn’t the easiest person to date, but what I do know for sure is the fact that I accepted MUCH less than I deserved or felt I was worth.
How I Allowed Myself To Be Treated
I never felt I was “brave” enough to speak up or to fully say my truth, but it’s also because I felt like they were the best I deserved. I’m not going to sit here and lie to myself, with any suggestion that I was angelic, and all sorts of negative things happened to me. That’s not it, immaturity was riffe and I was 100% a hot-head and extremely impatient. At the time, my mental filter was definitely broken, and I wouldn’t have accepted that it needed fixing. So, of course in certain situations, yes- I would also get back what I gave, because at the end of the day you reap what you sow. That being said, I definitely dated men who didn’t romance me in any way or who didn’t show me affection unless it was to initiate sex, I wasn’t shown love in its all-encompassing form. I know now that some of the reason I accepted the little I was thrown, was because I was a huge people pleaser. I didn’t want to be seen as difficult or disruptive or pushing against the grain, because I wanted peace. I actually accepted a marriage proposal in a Burger King parking lot, despite the fact that I would have preferred some sort of jazzing up. I mean, it’s a proposal, after all. But, the fact of the matter was, I craved someone to love me, someone to stick by me and not leave, like my father did, so in the end I was lying to myself, I was hiding parts of me and in all fairness- I don’t know if any of them (until recently) got to see the true Rekeisha. They definitely got parts, but I never was made to feel safe enough to show all of me but was because I didn’t know myself enough to even trust that the person, I was with would handle me with care. That being said, what a huge shift to where I am now!
Feel Less, Worth Less
It’s easy to tell someone, well don’t allow someone to treat you like crap, which is 100% valid, but we have to understand that when we’re not feeling at our best, when we don’t value ourselves and the things we bring to any situation, then we will accept less. We feel less, so we accept less- it’s that simple. We do it often in life, we sell ourselves short for going for the better paying job, or for taking on an extra role we don’t think we deserve or putting yourself out there in a relationship- we sell ourselves short often. So much so, when we see someone who is extra confident, typically we view it from a place of jealousy and we try to take them down. But what we know is that hurt people, hurt people and that’s exactly what it’s like when you don’t feel like you deserve to be treated a certain kind of way, you will accept the scraps someone throws in your direction, because you think it’s flattery. When you raise your standards and limit the number or people who have access to you, when you raise the bar and cut loose all of the people, places or things which do no align with that standard, you will see that yes, it gets lonelier. But the quality is oh so much better.
Remove yourself from people who treat you like your time doesn’t matter, like your feelings are worthless, or your soul is replaceable.
Slow & Steady Wins The Race
When you’re young, it feels like your’e constantly chasing after something and it all needs to be done yesterday. All of the answers will hit you like BAM and just like that the meaning of life has been figured out. But the honest answer, if I can even allow myself to give any advise at 38, it’s the fact that the journey to learning and knowing yourself it slow, but if you do it right- it’s steady. You begin to feel exhausted by anything outside of authenticity. You gravitate towards things you love, but also things which bring you joy. You will lose people, you will have moments where you wonder if it was all worth it, but at the end of the day- if you can look yourself in the mirror and be proud, be happy that you haven’t changed for someone else. That the work you are putting in, is for you and from you alone. It’s a journey that only you can travel on, as much as company might be fun- it’s actually a touch base with yourself. I wish that I knew if I chose myself and was true to myself, then the hard part is done. When you remain true to you, you won’t be short changed, people will see and meet you at your value. Because they have no other choice but to see your worth, it’ll ooze out of you. Valuing myself has made me realize that I can and should trust my gut, if I’m not feeling something I need to not worry about hurting feelings and think about lying to myself. Tap in and trust that instinct, because when you align with the right people, oh- it will be so so blissfully easy.
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