Crying For Nothing

It genuinely scares me just how fragile I feel,
Like you’ll realise I’m not that interesting and change your mind,
I thought I loved you so much, it’s an actual pain in my chest,
I analyze and over analyze our conversations,
Looking for clues or indications
Pushing you away only to pull you back in because I’m scared
I don’t want to get hurt,
I don’t want to dive right in only to land abruptly, bent and bruised
Driving the car and crying over the idea that you might want to leave,
Silent, sad tears of something that hasn’t happened, but the feeling so debilitating,
Feeling you pull away, knowing that I will not chase you,
Accepting and giving the space you don’t have the capacity to ask for,
Crying for nothing because that is what’s happening, nothing.
Crying for all of the memories and laughter,
But also crying for all of our wasted potential,
You might have been my long game, but
Instead you were simply a fickle fascination
Dec 2021- R1