Effortless Pain

It’s hard to be level headed when I’m writing this so emotionally,
But it feels like no one understands my burden,
I carry it so effortlessly and silently it is almost invisible
But every once in a while my resolve cracks,
A tiny tear is shed,
One that betrays the control I maintain
And the distance I claim I am happy with
No one checks in on me,
No one lends a hand to lighten the load,
The ease betrays my need for a break,
Or my silent desire to run away from it all,
“You do it all”, “You are so strong”,
Little do they know of the hours spent the night before,
Wondering if I’m good enough,
Worried I won’t ever be,
Needless spiralling thoughts,
From bottled feelings all these years,
But I have become an expert,
Navigating the hurdles with ease and fake humour,
A mask so well-worn,
You cannot find the seams,
Suppress, push aside, ignore,
There is no need to discuss, to show weakness,
It’s unnecessary and no one wants to see that,
Air is gulped down, into my lungs,
A quick shake and it’s neatly tucked away,
Up until the fraying starts to show itself again,
And I go through it all over again…
Jan 2023