Reasons Why I Am Healing Silently

I’ve been reading up a lot about working on yourself and just simply trying to be a better version of yourself. It’s something that takes daily practice and the possibilities really never end. This week on the blog, I share some of the reasons I have been doing that, but why I will be doing it silently, have a read.

As you heal your attractions change too. Toxicity stops looking like excitement, and peace stops looking like boredom.

Solancha

You Don’t Always Need An Audience

Now I’m not saying it doesn’t need to be shared or you need to keep things bottled up, what I mean is make sure your intensions are focused on the actual healing part and not the documenting/seeking of attention or notoriety part. If you are sincerely interested in being better, in making a change in your life for the better, then keep that at your core. Being distracted by all of the other things which may come along with it will only distract you and take away from the actual healing itself. If done right, your authenticity will shine through and that will be reason enough for your story to resonate with others. I also accept that the internet has become a highly curated space, where you no longer or not often see images of real, raw people, sometimes in their lowest points. I also accept that this type of vulnerability is important, it’s groundbreaking and it’s impactful. I should add that it is necessary as well, but I also don’t think it’s very good for our mental states to see people struggling so overtly, it may be triggering for others. Striking the right balance is really hard to do, because for some you will be too much and for others you won’t be enough. Simply put, if you do it for you, not for clout or attention. At the end of the day, those things all have an expiry date, but you healing and being a healed, better version of yourself, is by far the biggest flex you can do for yourself.

I couldn’t heal, because I kept pretending I wasn’t hurt.

Leave Your Past There

You don’t need to and shouldn’t apologize for your past. But you also don’t need to revisit every single event in your life, especially the traumatic ones. Sometimes, healing is accepting things are as they are and simply moving forward without any baggage from it. It doesn’t need to be a huge revolution or a shedding, you might maintain your power by simply walking away. Typically there are more than 1 perspective or side to a situation and you voicing your feelings on the matter may only cause more of an issue, but also- you’re journey isn’t someone else’s and they may not prioritize the same issues you have. Some people will never see or feel the need to do the work and try to be better versions of themselves, and you can’t force that- it has to come from them. In my previous relationship, I was feeling disconnected and in turn internalizing so much anger and upset because I didn’t feel heard or seen. I brought up the idea of going to couple’s therapy; as a means to be able to express how I was feeling but also for us to be able to learn to better communicate and in turn reconnect. This wasn’t something he was interested in and flatly refused, instead I simply went to therapy on my own. What I’m trying to explain is that you cannot, no matter how much you beg or cry or threaten, you cannot make someone put in the work that you are willing to do. Their journey isn’t your own, and it may seem lonely or unappealing, but maybe they are simply not meant to guide you along to the next stage.

Be Honest

I say this meaning, know who and why you are doing this for. What is your ultimate goal when it comes to your own healing? Do you not want to be triggered anymore, do you want to be able to move forward and essentially try not to remember it again? Are you looking for an apology? Changed behaviour? Because if we’re being honest, knowing that things don’t always work out how we intend or how we plan; having an idea of best and worst case scenario can help to not be disappointed in the outcome, or at least that’s how I look at it. Let’s face it, that sorry may never come. Will you be happy with that? Should your progress and ability to move forward be stunted because of this? I don’t think it should, because in some way, you are then giving up some of your own power. You are only in charge of what you can control. Which brings me back to my 1st point, know why and for whom you are doing it for, this way, if the outcome isn’t what you envisioned, your healing won’t be in jeopardy of falling off the intended tracks.

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