Releasing Fear

Our inner voice can be such a Debbie downer and too often we allow it to be so loud, it stops us from taking a leap or making a change. Fear, keeps us stagnant, stuck and at the end of the day- do you really want to be stuck? This week on the blog, I share the ways in which I will no longer be letter fear hinder my progress into becoming the best version of myself.

“It’s OKAY to be scared. Being scared, means you’re about to do something really, really brave.”

— Mandy Hale

Too Much Baggage

Take it from me, the chronic over thinker ( I’m working on it ), carrying the weight of your past or other’s opinions is far too heavy and if I’m going to be 100% frank- it’s not worth it. We have so many expectations, from work, from society, from ourselves and to be honest, if there’s one we can and should put down- it’s that of fear. Worrying about how we will be perceived and what others will say about us, but the fact of the matter is, if they’re talking let them and you might as well give them something to discuss while you simply live. Your. Life. Once again, I write this post as a reminder to myself, as a means to encourage myself, because I feel this pressure a lot of the time. Sometimes I think it’s self-imposed, other times it’s the feeling in the silences, but at the end of the day- I actually consider this weight and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t affect and alter my decisions from time to time. But here’s what I am no longer doing, I am no longer caring about the noise. I am taking a hold of my life and myself and how I want to present and live my life. I don’t care about how people’s opinions of me might change and I most certainly won’t be living by their standards of how they see me or my life. That’s not a burden for me to carry, so let it go and put it down.

“Without fear, there cannot be courage.”

— Christopher Paolini

Feel The Fear, But Do It Anyways

Think about it this way, a lot of the times when we allow fear to block us or hinder us from taking a leap, it’s the fear of the unknown. No one likes or is fully comfortable not knowing what’s lying ahead, but the fact of the matter is, none of us do. Not knowing won’t change a thing and avoiding it will probably hinder your growth. Take this from me, I am a loyal person, sometimes to a fault, I moved countries after the end of my long term relationship, landed back in Canada only for a pandemic to unfold, but I had landed a dream role in my job. All seemed to settle in well for me, I was grateful, but relations with my boss became difficult, I didn’t feel I was being given the respect I deserved and I was being iced out of meetings/emails and my progress ( I felt ) was being calculatingly stunted. I am usually not one to cause drama or even “confront” people with how I feel about things because I tend to think it’s in my own head. That being said, I spoke up- went to my director and made an official complaint, months past and nothing changed, in fact it kind of got worse. The idea of leaving the company felt heavy, I was happy, I loved my job and the benefits were great, but this was fear speaking to me. I was worried I wasn’t going to find something else, I wasn’t sure I could look for a role in a higher position. All of this was self-about and fear, change, the unknown. But, I took the leap, reminded myself that I have been in the field for well over 10 years, I have many things to offer and if I have to learn, I am fully capable of doing so. So, I asked myself why the hello not? Within 2 days, I was being interviewed for a new role, in a higher position and much, much bigger pay rise. Long story, short: your fear is stopping you from your potential. If I can allow myself to give any advice, it would be to feel the fear, understand why you’re feeling it, but never allow it to be the reason you never tried.

Shedding The Fear Over My Body

For me, my next challenge is that of accepting, loving and not hiding my body. I know where it stems from, I grew up in a conservatively Christian home; anything to do with showing off your body was not only frowned upon, but it was a flat out NO. Your body is a temple, you are a vessel for God’s work and there is no ownership or embracing any form of your sexuality or showing it off, because well sex ( especially outside of marriage ) is bad; unless we’re talking about procreating. Now, this post isn’t a critique of religion, I know better than to do that- but what it did leave me with was a sort of disconnect from my body. For years, I never saw myself as sexy, I didn’t associate with the word. It took me well into my 30’s after my daughter was born, when I was beginning to know my body again and get used to the ways in which it had changed; this was when I started to tap into what I saw as sexy on myself. I began to show off the things I loved about myself, play up my eyes with makeup and let my fave asset ( my breasts, if you need to know ) shine, but I also began to really love the small things my body was capable of doing. It was all small steps, but it allowed me to begin to appreciate my body for what it was and for what it is able to do. Simply doing things which reinforced or made me feel every bit sexy and in no way did I feel bad for it. After the end of my longterm relationship, I went through a time when I truly believed no one would find me attractive, so much of myself was tied up in this person and our relationship, disentangling it was heavy work. But, I decided that I was going to step into my power, and I did my own sexy photoshoot. It was nothing elaborate and wasn’t made for anyone’s else’s eyes bar mine. I wanted to feel good again, I wanted to feel sexy, desired and wanted, even if it meant me re-shifting how I saw myself. And let me tell you, I haven’t and won’t look back, yes there might be things I don’t like about the way I look, but the fact of the matter is- I am glorious the way I am. So, FYI, you will see more photos being my sexy self and I ain’t apologizing for it. Sexy is a state of mind, it’s how you feel empowered and how you tap into that part of yourself. Sometimes, it’s a new wig, other times it’s a nice dress, I find ways to refill my sexy cup all of the time. What we need to accept though, is that sexy looks different for everyone, for some that’s them fully clothed and covered, and for others it is undressed, none of it should be changed or altered for fear of other’s opinion. And if I can allow myself to say, wear the outfit, no ones feeling as negative about it as you think, you look great!